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Archive for February 2010

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  • Comments Off on Hot off The Press: Give a brotha a chance

Valentine’s Day 2010 is fast approaching and love is in the air.   Some of us are already in a relationship and others are hoping to find their mate soon.   One thing is for sure, love can be challenging especially when it comes to communication.    

A blog audience member sent me an email asking for advice.    I really felt for him because he had the best of intentions but the lady he was interested in thought his mind was in a different place.  Here’s a little peek into our email exchange…*names and information have been changed to protect privacy


——– Original Message ——–

Dr. Wallace,

My name is Curtis and I’m 19 years old.  I thought you might have some good insight on an experience I had involving a girl’s image of her body.  I had just met her at a concert a month ago.  We talked for a while and seemed to be hitting it off. 

Then, things suddenly went downhill.  I commented that she had a “really nice, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended.  I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify but I only made things worse when I used the term “healthy”. With a look of complete disgust, WHAP!, she hit me in my chest and left.

I guess she had interpreted “healthy” as meaning big/overweight/full figured.  I feel badly that I upset her but why can’t girls embrace their curves?




thanks for reaching out. it’s great to see that at you are concerned about the young lady you met and girls in general.    i don’t know all the details but i think there are two reason why you got ‘smacked’.

first- the girl could have been offended about you talking about her body on a first date.  she may have thought you were trying to get too personal, too soon.    a good rule is to never go there when you first meet a lady.  compliment her face or what she is wearing but leave any thoughts you have about her figure to yourself.  

second- it can be hard for girls to be happy about their bodies because they are told all the time that they are too fat or too short or too tall or too this and that.  all that talk can make a girl feel down.  so even if a comment is meant to be a compliment, the idea that you are talking about her body can set off bad feelings.   so that’s another reason to stay clear of body comments until you get to know a girl.

 the good thing is that you know that you meant no harm.  i would talk to her and let her know how you really felt. that you didn’t mean to offend her and then go from there…



Luckily Curtis got a second chance.   How many times have we blamed our loved one for being a certain way without even talking to them?  Love is a beautiful thing that we should value enough to work on.   Let’s be sure to take a cue from Curtis and speak up…

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