sassysage's Blog

Archive for August 2010

earlier this week, i saw a vh1 behind the music special about fantasia.  i’ve always felt she has an amazing vocal talent but i’ve never been a fan.  so i really didn’t know her story.  i was soo moved when listening to her struggle in life, even after success.   but i got goose bumps when she retold the story of getting raped.

while walking through her high school auditorium to skip class one afternoon; a male student followed behind her and grabbed her. he tussled her to the ground and violently raped her.  she was so sick with fury and shame; it caused her to drop out of school.

her story really resonated with me because when i was in the 8th grade, while walking in the halls to get to class a male student came behind and grabbed me.  he pinned me against the wall; i screamed, i punched; i bit so hard that he let go. i ran; just escaping what could have been the worst.   i was sick to my stomach and felt so scared that i could be attacked in what was supposed to be a safe place.  i told my guidance counselor and the boy got suspended from school.  i was lucky that i had a support system; many girls do not.

i’ve never really talked much about that incident let alone blogged about it on the internet. but i felt compelled to say something after being revolted by an episode of 106 & Park last week.  during an interview with R & B singer bobby valentino, he looked a teen girl in the eye, licked his lips and shouted how she looked legal to him.  the hosts tried to let him know that was inappropriate behavior but he just keep winking his eye at this little girl!

i was sick again. those moments that i felt as a girl came back.  it made me fully aware that as a girl and growing woman you are a potential target.   but we don’t talk to our girls enough about protecting themselves and speaking out against physical or verbal sexual assaults.  Those assaults happen all too often and girls need to be prepared with how to deal with it.  i’m urging us to speak up!

-if you are a girl and have been attacked, please find someone you trust and tell.  you are not alone and there many out there who can help.

-if you are someone who has been trusted with information about an attack, be supportive and get that person help.   do not question or show any signs of reservation.  just be there for that person and encourage them to tell authorities.

-if you are a mom or mentor, speak with girls and young women about protecting themselves. they should know not every boy/man has good intentions; be aware.   

-if you are a man; hold your male counterparts accountable for their actions. don’t laugh when sexual jokes are being made about a girl/woman. say something if a friend or colleague talks about verbally or physically sexually accosting a girl/woman.

young women like fantastia, myself, or the girl who was disrespected on 106 & Park had to stay strong and just deal with it.  but hopefully if we ban together and speak up; sexual physical and verbal violence will be gone…

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When I was coming up Friday the 13th was a day everyone would dread.  Something wacky or strange was bound to happen!  Every teen would sit on edge, sure a prank was around the corner.  And of course it was…everyone was looking for something bad to happen. 

This time around I’m only looking for the best and so far its working.  To be fair I’m in San Diego, which is a city that you can’t help but feel good. The ocean breeze and chill out vibe is helping my effort. Plus the peanut butter banana stuffed french toast at the famous ‘Cafe 222’ was yum. 

That said, I’m only focused on the positive today. Gone is the annoying car alarm that woke me up this morning. Finito to the pain in my back from moving over the weekend .  Adios stress about my work deadline next week. I’m not thinking about it and I’m replacing it with only thoughts of good.

I notice the bright colors and happy flowers. The dogs waggin’ their tails and love inspired couples walking down the block.  I might even play my hand in the lottery (u’ll know I’ve won if this blog vanishes indefinitely:) Anything’s possible with lucky 13…


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