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Posts Tagged ‘dating; single life

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Ashton and Demi were like Barbie and Ken for many girls and young women.  We loved the fantasy of the young and hot guy with the sexy gal, who have amazing careers, never ending wealth, and seem happy and tan at all times.  We loved the story of the blended family; sharing Thanksgiving dinner with Bruce Willis and baseball games as a united team.    The bubble burst last week when it leaked out that he was cheating on her.  No way….


 It cut like a knife on a wound that hadn’t quite healed since the whole Sandra Bullock and Jesse James fiasco.  It seems like everyone’s love is going in flames.  I had flash backs about my ex, I will refer to as ‘slick rick’, whom I caught red handed wrapping lips with his side swing.  My best friend who was on the prowl with me took me by the hand and whisked me away before I could do damage to whatever part of him or his car I could get my hands on.  I never imagined that my ‘prince’ could do such a thing, to betray me and flat out lie that he was committing to our relationship. 

Fast forward 10 years later and now I’m at the point where I feel like it’s time to get REAL.  Some people do cheat…Wishing for a ‘life ever after’ without facing that fact could place a girl in a dark funk when unfaithful situations transpire.  Go into a relationship with all eyes open.  Pay attention to what your sweetie is doing and less about what they may be saying.  Have they cheated in the past?  Have you caught them in lies?  Do they feel comfortable hiding things from other people?  Are their friends creepin’ around?   If you sense something’s off, pay attention and address it immediately.   Decide what’s best for you and move on.   That’s what Sandra and I did and maybe Demi will do the same too.  If you take the lesson learned, broken hearts can make a girl stronger which is what you’ll need to maintain a real love that lasts…  

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What’s wrong with being single?
I find it absolutely surprising that the first thing a person asks me, when they haven’t seen me in a while, is “You STILL single?” It almost makes me feel like something is wrong with me.
I’m a full time student. I work full time. I played a leading role in the establishment of an elementary school and medical clinic in an underserved community. I’m also involved in my church and of course play an invaluable role in my family. Just to name a few things I do with my time. And instead of asking about any one of these things, I’m immediately looked at as someone who has accomplished nothing because I’m single. What’s really good with that?
And why are some of my sisters who are directors of prestigious programs, doctors, lawyers, excellent teachers, preachers etc… so depressed over not having a partner that they are turning to medication for help. What’s really good?
Holla at me please!

single sistah,
What’s really good is that you’re asking the question. Is there something wrong with being single? Maybe…
If you’re single because you aren’t the type of person people want to be around, then you’ve got a problem. If you’re single because you find fault in every man/woman that comes your way, there may be issues. But for most of us that’s not the situation.
So what gives?
Although we’ve come a long way in the career lives of women/girls, things have pretty much stayed the same in terms of our personal lives. We are evaluated by who we’re partnered up with and later down the line whether we have kids (I’m not even gonna touch that topic because it’s a whole ‘nother blog!). And often we women do it to each other and in some cases we do it to ourselves.
Women like you who are doing great things with their careers, in the community and family but are feeling down about themselves because ONE part of their life is missing. What kind of life are we living when we don’t appreciate and enjoy the positive things that are going on? What type of example are we giving the girls coming behind us when we tell them to strive to be anything they want to be in life but we ourselves don’t value our success? It’s got to stop!

Being married or in a relationship is a beautiful experience and should be valued. But NOT at the expense of all other relationships and experiences one can have. What kind of a girlfriend/wife are you going to be if you don’t have friends, family and other people in your life? What will you bring to the relationship if you have nothing but cute shoes and a fly haircut to show for it? It’s important to focus on who we are inside and get that right first? And that may take time, so be patient. Become the best all around girl/woman you can be. That way if ‘prince’ charming comes along you’ll be a happy princess. And if he never comes you’ll be a happy QUEEN.
Life is too short to wallow around feeling bad about yourself because of (not having) another person. Fall in love with your pet, your job, your family, your community…Luv yourself!


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